Future Hearing (aids)

This, my friends, is the answer to every deaf person's prayers... and no, I don't mean we're all going to get a beautiful lady turning up at our door on the NHS...

More's the pity...

See that necklace around her neck? That ain't no necklace. It's a hearing-aid. Unusual. Not sure if it's my style (though she probably is) but hey, at least people are starting to think outside the box!

When I got my new fangled digitals lately, I was suprised that even in this design-led day and age, the only fashion choices I get with hearing-aids is which colour they come in. And those happened to be beige, brown or grey...

I saw a funky poster on the wall of some sexy see-through (baring all the electronics underneath) electrics, but apparently beige, brown or grey were the colours 'voted for' by their patients.

It just so happened that most of their patients were elderly (as many deaf people are), and didn't fancy a see-through option. No, forget see-through, grey would fit in perfectly with their hair colour!












Thankfully, with a whole generation of young people set to join the deaf 'massive' over the next few years (by virtue of the clubbing, iPod, walkman generation) manufacturers are beginning to sense a new market forming. Is it any suprise then, that the hearing-aid featured above bears more than a simple nod to the all-white design of the iPod?! Although I must admit, it'd be useful during some meetings if they could store a few tunes on there..! Songs like Everybody's Talking, perhaps...










Then there's designs for people who already need to wear glasses (or wear them because they think they're fashionable). These ones cleverly double up by making a dash for the ear straight from the eyes. Just one thing though, it might not be so cool when you're trying to impress someone and smile, whipping off those glasses with a flourish, when they start whistling*...

*For anyone who doesn't know, hearing-aids making a whistling noise when they come loose - it's a phenomenon called feedback, and happens when the sound literally 'feeds' back into it's own microphone... just thought you might like to know that... sorry to get technical..!













Not sure what's happening with these ones (above) , but if I was to wear one I'd just be hoping that some kid didn't come up and start trying to use them as a yo-yo... or present these ones (below) as a flower. Romantic... but don't dip them in a jar of water.













The gizmo below looks like some kind of minature space-pod... with a lightbulb. Presumably there's the added bonus of these being great for reading in bed!

























However, the 'Goldfish' is my personal favourite for pure luncy. Ok, it looks pretty cool, it's got a decent design and fits just inside the ear. But I'm not so sure about the design principles. Based on the fact that a goldfish has a 5 second memory, these ones have the 'fantastic' function (it sounds pretty cool actually) of being able to play back the last ten seconds of sound. Amazing! How do you get it to do this? You wave your hand across your ear. Fantastic, you say?! Yeah sure, until you're in a crowd, or on a busy tube train where someone merely brushing their hand past your head will consign you to an instantaneous trip - back to the future!

As if to back up the dissatisfaction with the present hearing-aids, I spoke to Ady last night (all the way from LA) and found he'd given up (momentarily at least) on his digitals. The reason? They're far more prone to whistling, he had to turn down the volume as a result, and hence he's now he's back with the old hear-all analogues. Another design fault was noted with the digitals - they easily turn themselves on in your pocket! So you're in a nightclub, bopping away, and wonder why, when you pop to the relative silence of the toilet, everyone's staring at you as a whistling sound begins as you unzip, and empty your bladder...

Perhaps the main virtue of these designs is that at last people are starting to think of what deaf people might want beyond being able to merely hear. We want to be fashionable, stylish, eye-catching... most of these designs do that for sure - for good or bad, people are going to notice you as you walk down the street! Surely there's something in between, a compromise between mad fashion and beige, brown and grey. I quite liked the in-the-ear blue moulds featured in It's all gone Pete Tong, the recent film about a deaf DJ starring Paul Kaye.
If all else fails though, you could always try the soft minatures left (which seem to be stored in some kind of lightsabre!).

They're ear plugs... you always know what you're getting with them - pure, unadulterated silence.

Something we all need once in a while!