77 days to go! The draft best man's speech!

This rather well-attired chap is the man who chose the Scribbler for a best man. Not many people would, but he took the plunge. I have known him for roughly 12 years, give or take a month or 6.

In that time, he's grown roughly a foot and a half (he was practically an elf when I first met him!) and turned into a handsome chap who first ensnared a beauty named Laura, then romanced her solidly for 5 years, then popped the question. Good on him!

Steve's been getting all organised of late, so once again, my thoughts have turned to my speech. This is what I've got so far. Let me know what you think...

Draft best man's speech # 1

Me ezteemed mellow humans. Let moi prezent to ya one of me all-time me bestest chumrades in the 'ole univerze. Iz name is Steven Brown, but I knows him by the nixname 'Superbuddy!'

We met when I waz only twelve, and tried to conker the leeetle cotswold town hwere we waz part of clay-pigeon shooting gangz. Eveyone waz skared of uz.

Steve waz a hard man. During ganz warfayre one days, we killed 16 clay pigeons. He killed 12 of them 'imself. But he had a soft side two. He resuciated 7 of 'em, and they is liviung a happy, but very still, life now.

Steve waz a ladeez man. All the ladeez wantd to kissed him all the time. Young or oldies, they all 'ell for iz charms. He knews how to chat 'em up. He taught me's too, so he did.

And for 'hat, I will bees truly grateful alwayz.

'hanks Steve. Raize your glasses, peple!